I hesitated just a little writing my last post knowing that some of you have many fewer moments when you get to choose. Some of you have twice as many kids as I do, or have a newborn. Some of you are working two jobs on top of dealing with a personal crisis. For some of you life stopped when tragedy hit. I know that I am writing to people who are right now in harder places in life than I am. For all of you, always, I want you to take from here what helps and leave behind what feels like a burden. The last thing I want to do is add to the list of “should” that you carry.
The other thing you need to know is that I don’t know how to do this either. Some days I forget how to choose. I loose some of my sense of self and live in a kind of survival mode. My world turns fuzzy and all I can see is what is right in front of me and all of that is colored in negativity. That was much of last week.
But when I do know that I get to choose and how to do it I’m helped when I remember what it is that I’ve already chosen. Near the beginning of the year someone encouraged me to sit down and write out the things that I want for the year and for my life, the things I want to give my time and energy and love for.
This is what I came up with.
- This year I want to know Jesus better, to be still with Him, to pray, to live believing in Him as the way.
- I want to care for myself, to know and do things that help me be more whole and strong and loving. I want to build helpful rhythms and find beauty in simplicity. I want to keep moving in the direction of my dreams–writing, mentoring, and ministry.
- I want to love Chris, to know and care for him in ways that are meaningful to him. I want our marriage to grow because we do fun stuff together, we talk out the hard stuff together, and we dream and pray and love together.
- I want to love our kids well this year. I want to keep learning to know what makes them them and I want to help them grow their bodies and minds and hearts in healthy ways.
- I want to make our home a beautiful, safe place for our family to be, and I want to share that space with our friends.
What would you list out with a pen and a paper in ten minutes? Or what would you tell a friend who asked you that question? Don’t overthink it or try to make the perfect list, just stop and think for a few minutes about what you really want. And then post it on your kitchen window or next to your laptop and (as often as you remember) practice filtering your decisions through it.
