Sometimes I feel stuck. I feel like life is handed to me and I have no choice but to chew and swallow whatever comes. Like life is something that happens to me and much of the time it is something to put up with.
My house is cluttered and it drives me bonkers. It’s too dirty and it’s not decorated well. And when do I ever get caught up on daily jobs like dishes and sweeping and laundry? Two children can turn a room into a disaster area in minutes and just as quickly leave and forget about it, and getting them to help clean up can feel like taking them to get their shots. And I never know what to make for supper.
I think it’s my circumstances that dictate what I do. I feel I am being dragged through my days by a to-do list and the people I am responsible for. And I feel frustrated. And then angry. I have to do things, always have to do things. I have to make meals. I have to have the kids pick up their toys, or do it myself. I have to sweep the floors and put all that stuff away before I go crazy. I have to go grocery shopping. I have to make that phone call. I have to settle one more squabble before someone gets hurt.
But, finally, at age thirty-one I’m learning that I get to choose what I do. No one is making me do anything. I am not destined to be stressed because there are dishes on all my counters and crumbs on every floor. I don’t have to dislike waking up most mornings.
I can choose. I can choose to start somewhere and straighten one room for fifteen minutes. I can choose to sit down with the kids and look into their eyes and touch them with kind hands. I can write down the things I want to do today and choose one to start on. Or, if I want to, I actually can choose to read or to work on a fun project. I am not stuck.
Yes, things happen, much that I can’t control–people and weather and surroundings (but mostly people). I can choose just one thing, and that is my response. And that choice can change my world. I’m not talking just about sheer will-power and doing the things I don’t want to do. Sometimes that is what I need, but mostly what works best for me is the simple choices–a cup of water on the front porch, five minutes to improve one thing that is bothering me, story time with the kids, sitting down with a pen and paper to get that supper menu planned and off my mind, or telling myself for ten minutes to pretend I don’t feel tired.
Choosing what to do is easier when you know what it is that you really want. But we’ll save that for my next post.
Aw, Bethany… This hit a raw spot as I read through and then through again… Thanks for taking the time to share, it means a lot 🙂
So glad you connected to this, Becca. Peace to you today. Thanks for taking time to comment.
This is pretty much exactly where I find myself right now: frustrated. How can I do ANYTHING “fun” or even necessary where there’s always laundry and dishes that need done first? Some of it’s discipline, some of it’s prioritizing, and some of it’s just simply motherhood. Thanks for these realigning thoughts, and grace to you and the rest of us today!
How well I know those feelings, Kendra. You don’t know how often in the last month I’ve told myself that that I get to choose. Grace to you today.
I can relate to that frustration so well! How am I ever supposed to find time to be the good mom that plays with her children and takes them on explores, when all I get done is their dishes, laundry, and disaster management? But this morning I chose to ignore the crumbs on floors to go plant flowers in pots, because I knew a week from now I will not even know whether or not the floors got swept today, but I will know if the flowers aren’t growing. And if we just have hotdogs for supper, what can I do now that I’ll be glad about tomorrow?
I love that you did what you knew you would be glad about in a week. And, knowing you, planting flowers is something that you like to do and doing it fed your soul. And that is important.